um...so..i can FINALLLY update...and i decided to just get a new xanga =)

so it's

ix3youtothebones

k...so comments and subscriptions are welcome

sorry i've been gone for sooo long...but im back now.

-s

hi there my loves!!

intake::
b- cereal (200...yuck. my mom was at the table when i got up)
l- 0
s- diet sunkist
d- tba...but i'll have to eat something b/c i havent eaten dinner w/ the fam in a while
total-- 200+dinner =(
**i may be headed for the gym later...

so....i think this is pretty amazing b/c my friend & i decided to fast...like out of nowhere...shes like "im fasting" and her mom doesnt even CARE...wtf. my mom flips out over one skipped meal...raaaarrr! not fair?!

so..one more day until i get my ringtones =D horray!! lol..im so easily excited.  i weighed myself last night...and after a whole day of having nothing but a 90 calorie granola bar...i weighed 116.5?!??? i was like WTF. but i think my scale is a little messed up so...yeah.

there's apple pie in the kitchen. & im not going to eat it. ..lol..just thought i'd share =D

thanks for all the comments on the last entry...=) they make me happy..and keep me busy to avoid the kitchen...& so does homework...which i should probably be doing right now..

k well im gonna go comment everyone back

-S

intake:

b- special k bar 90
l- 0
s- citrus blend aquafina 0
d- tba (hopefully 0)
total-- 90 (but thats definately been burned off since 6 am =)

so...brilliant plan on how to skip dinner...k...i'll go to the game & tell my mom that im going to eat there and just not eat =) b/c its right around supper time & then i can save my mu-lah that she thinks is being spent on food. tehe..sounds fabulous to me =)

im going to see how long i can go without food...im doing pretty good this week. it makes it way easier to eat healthy-er-ish when im not staying afterschool and being constantly tempted by vending machines...but then again...at home im tempted by the kitchen...ha..i dont know which is worse. but i've done quite well.(with the exception of last night =\ chick-fil-a & starbucks..but i didnt finish all of the starbucks & then i worked out after that for like an hour) 

so...i was wondering how this works..whenever you quit feeding your body, what does it run off of? muscule & then fat? or fat first??...i mean..if it eats muscule first...what if you built muscule while it was eating it?...im just really confused about that...someone fill me in on how that works..b/c if you dont eat and you workout...you'll just loose fat right? i hope thats how it works.

k...well im gonna go comment around & stuff for a little bit.

-S

i really want to start doing this thing more often...you know, updating & such.

i should have more time now to do such, being that im going to have extra time now that i have given up a huge stress & waste of time..

today is monday, a new day. time for changes...

k...i can honestly say that im proud of what i ate (or didnt..ha) yesterday & today.

yesterday:
breakfast- slept in, so 0
lunch- a low cal microwave dinner 280
snack- grande frap from starbucks =/ 420 (yuck..i know)
dinner- ..this was a first...i faked sick so i wouldnt have to eat 0
total-- 700
**exercise- 2 hours of cheerleading/tumbling

today:
breakfast- special k, peaches & berries, 90
snack- a sucker 50?
lunch- aquafina =) 0
dinner- tba
total-- 140

and the great thing is...im not even hungry...i've decided that i'll see how many days i can go with the following...um.er..diet?

BREAKFAST= special k, 90
LUNCH= aquafina, 0
DINNER= the healthiest thing i can get away with (ex: grilled anything, veggies etc.)

and i've decided that if i can go a whole week (mon-fri) i'll buy myself 3 new ringers for my phone..b/c i could buy them right now...but i dont want to take away the challenge...you know, to prove to myself that i can do it.

-----

over thanksgiving, we visited with family of course. & i have a cousin, 11, almost 12, and she motivated me...like almost in a bad/good way..good b/c it made me want to quit eating so much..but bad b/c well..not eating is supposedly "unhealthy". so.. shes all of 75 pounds, 5'1" & shes beautiful. she only eats something if it's "healthy" or if she "needs" it.  & we went out to dinner, she stuffed herself "sick" so she excused herself & well you know. she said her stomach was too full...which it probably was. it almost makes me sad..shes 11 years old and shes so concerned about her weight. but then again it makes me feel good that she cares enough abou her health to watch what she eats...

well. enough for now. i have to update my normal X..leave comments & stuff.

-S

im scared to weigh

i want to know that number but im scared it wont be what i want it to be.

i feel nasty.  i got called fat by some kid this week.  i was so mad when he told me it too...and its almost like he didnt realize he said it...but he said i weighed like way more than one of my friends...which is basically calling me fat.  and idk. i was looking in the vending machine yesterday (at my reflection) and i absolutely hate my legs. why couldnt i be a few inches taller? like 5'6"? i hate the shortness of my legs. its just ugly & unattractive. they're so disgusting. anyways. i dont know what i weigh. i dont really feel like i've gained...but then again..maybe i have. i dont want to find out.  i'll just quit eating for a while & then weigh.

so far today:
b- ff marshmellow lovers hot cocoa (70)
l- maybe i'll skip it.
s- again..i'll try to resist.
d- im not going to be home..so..maybe i'll skip it..but i doubt its gonna be possible.

so...even if i do have to eat dinner...it'll be okay because i'll starve all day. ...oh...speaking of which...one of my really good friends called me anorexic the other day..like almost jokingly...but sort of wanting an answer. i just blew her off. 

its so f-ing unfair.

life that is.

comments please?

-S

*edit*
i went to a football game a few weeks ago...a friend of mine pointed out a girl and said "ha..and she's anorexic...look at her...she looks like a twig."...all i could think about for the rest of the night was how "normal" i look. ...i couldnt help but envy her. she was gorgeous. perfect hair. tinnnnny features...she was beautiful...i almost feel bad for envying her..but i did.

*end*